I Almost Do
by Dark Waffle
Summary: AU. Fate was a cruel, cruel thing. And love was just as cruel.


**A/N: Because I have taken so long to update **_**Fallen Star**_**, I decided to write two one shots for you: this and one I will be uploading soon named: **_**Long Live. I Almost Do **_**is actually a two shot. So there will be another chapter! But, ****I'm terribly sorry for taking so long on updating _Fallen Star_. The next chapter is coming **_**soon**_**. I swear. But for now, please enjoy this story.**

**I do not own **_**Fairy Tail!**_

'_Thoughts'_  
>"Speech"<br>_"Flashback/Dream"_

_**I Almost Do**_

_**-O-**_

"_When you love someone… truly love them, friend or lover,you lay your heart open to them.  
>You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt- you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut the deepest and most painfully on the heart and soul."<br>_- Sherrilyn Kenyon

_**-O-**_

They knew what they were doing was wrong.

They knew it.

But that didn't stop them.

It didn't stop them from doing something so cruel, so heartbreaking, so detrimental to each other, to the people they cared about.

It didn't stop him from giving the excuse he was working late and needed at the office.

It didn't stop her from lying about where she was spending the night that night.

It didn't stop them from seeing each other.

But it should have.

Because what they were doing was dishonest.

Because what they were doing was immoral.

Because what they were doing was unethical.

But how could something so frowned up, something so disloyal feel so... right?

_**-O-**_

"I have a meeting with my editor Thursday afternoon." She said, pulling a sweatshirt over her shoulders as she placed both feet on the floor. Her brown eyes glanced over at the man laying next to her.

"Can I still come over afterwards?" He asked, his unruly pink hair hiding away his onyx eyes.

"Gray's coming home."

The pink haired man frowned, sitting himself up from the position he was in.

"And you have that date night with Lisanna."

Her light brown eyes fell with melancholy as she whispered the previous sentence.

"He's coming back?"

"Yes."

The blonde haired women yelped slightly as the pink haired man overpowered her quickly, pushing her down on the bed. His eyes were dancing with fire and lust. His mouth was pursed into a grim line and eyebrows knitted tightly together as he pushed her down onto the bed.

"Natsu!"

"I don't want to talk about them, Lucy."

He leaned down and kissed her hard. Harder than he's ever kissed anyone in his life.

At first she was reluctant, trying to kick him away as he held her hands down. But, she couldn't resist him any longer as he licked at her lip and forced his way into her mouth. She gladly accepted him and sighed.

His hands left her wrist and traveled down her body that he fell oh so in love with. Lucy's hands shot straight to his hair, wovening her fingers deep inside. Natsu brought her closer to his bod, meshing them tightly together.

The pit in Lucy's lower abdomen burned, the way it always did when he was with her, holding her, kissing her, touching her. He was the only person who ever made her feel this good.

Before they knew it, the sweater Lucy had pulled over just a few moments earlier was on the ground and the blonde was screaming out Natsu's name as she gave herself to him.

Time after time after time.

And when the two adults fell onto the bed, their breathing heavy and staggered, they both couldn't erase the sharp guilt and pain that erupted within themselves.

"We have to stop." She said in a whisper.

The silence was greeted by their heavy breathing. He didn't reply, didn't answer. Instead, he stood from the bed and walked towards the bathroom.

"So, then Friday can we see each other?"

Natsu couldn't see her. His back was towards the blonde haired woman laying in bed. But he knew what her answer would be.

"Yeah. I'll tell Gray I'm visiting home for the day."

Without another word, he walked into the bathroom.

Lucy watched him close the door behind him. Her shoulders slumped as she wrapped the sheets around her shoulders.

She felt like a vile human being.

It made her sick to her stomach knowing that they were cheating on their significant other because they were acting like hormonal teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off of each other.

It made her nauseous knowing that she had her fiance waiting for her at the other end of the phone, traveling around the country of Fiore, showcasing his beautiful art, excited to come home to her to talk about the wonderful things he encountered on his art tour.

It made her heart ache knowing he had a committed wife who devoted herself to him, who _loved him_ _so much_, waiting for him to come home from work, waiting for him to give her a kiss on the cheek, and for her to ask him how his day was and what exciting things he faced at work that day.

It made her _hate _herself for letting something like this happen.

Especially when Lisanna was one of her close friends and Gray was Natsu's _best friend_.

Betrayal.

It was absolute betrayal.

"I'm leaving, Lucy. I have to get to work. Sting is on the field for the first time today and I can't let him screw up."

Lucy looked up with a fake smile embracing her lips.

"Okay. Don't let Sting do anything stupid."

He grinned at her and gave her the thumbs up.

She loved that grin so much. How was she supposed to let go of that? Of what she loved so much?

She was despicable.

"You bet!"

And he was out the door.

_**-O-**_

"Lu-chan!"

At the sound of her nickname, Lucy turned around to see her best friend, Levy McGarden running to her, papers in her hands, her hair in disarray.

She smiled weakly. "Hi Levy."

"Have you finished grading your classes papers?"

She shook her head, gesturing to the amount of paperwork in her arms that resembled Levy's jumbled papers.

Lucy Heartfilia and Levy McGarden were both graduate students at Magnolia University. They both were in the English program, studying for a Masters in English and creative writing. Both young women taught undergraduate classes in the English department.

"Some grad students we are." The bluenette chuckled, clenching the paperwork closer to her body.

"Yeah… is Gajeel meeting you today?" Lucy asked, avoiding confrontation with her best friend. Because she knew that Levy would notice her change in behavior.

"I don't know yet. He was telling me that today was Rogue and Sting's first day on the field, so he and Natsu wanted to make sure the two didn't do anything wrong."

Lucy's heart constricted as Levy muttered Natsu's name.

"Oh really? I had no idea." Lucy lied, knowing full well about Sting and Rogues situations because she had heard about it the night before.

"Yeah! You know how Gajeel gets with Rogue. He doesn't admit it, but he's so overprotective of him. It's kind of cute." Levy giggled.

'_I know. Natsu's the same with Sting.'_

Natsu Dragneel and Gajeel Redfox, Levy's husband, were both working for Magnolia Police as lieutenants and were training new officers the last couple months. Amongst the new officers, Sting Eucliffe and Rogue Chenney were distinct cadets that stood out to the two boys. Sting and Rogue had looked up to the men their entire lives and followed in their footsteps.

"Gajeel is really just a big softie under his 'tough as nails' personality." Lucy chuckled, remembering the countless times in their lives when Gajeel had been there for Lucy.

"I would know. He is my husband, Lu-chan." Levy commented. Both girls held the papers and books in their hands closer to their bodies as the air turned chillier by the second.

"Right." Both women laughed.

"Speaking of which, when is your fiance coming back?! I heard from Gajeel that Gray was returning home soon?"

Lucy felt her heart drop the pit of her stomach at the mention of her fiance.

She forced a smile on her lips. "Yes, he comes back Thursday."

Levy giggled with excitement. "That's in two days! You must be so excited for him to come back! You haven't seen him in like what? 2-3 month?"

The blonde found it harder and harder to smile as Levy went on about her fiance. A fiance she was cheating on behind his back with his _best friend_. A fiance who loved her so much that he almost gave up his art tour for her. A fiance who treated her so _good_.

"Yeah, something like that."

"What's wrong, Lu-chan? Are you not excited to see him? Are you two fighting?" The petite bluenette asked. The brown eyed woman scolded herself for showing too much. Levy was especially perceptive.

"What? No! Of course not! I'm extremely happy Gray's coming home!" _'Liar.' _"I can't wait to see him! He's been gone on his art tour for too long!" The blonde quickly masked her insecurity and doubt with glee as she forced a big, fake smile on her pale lips and put a facade to trick her best friend.

"Are you worried about Natsu?"

Lucy could feel her heart stop. Her eyes went wide open as Levy's comment made her freeze.

"Wha-what?"

"I mean, ever since you and Gray started dating and he and Lisanna got married, you two hardly see each other. And you guys were best friends growing up. I remember you told me you and Natsu started hanging out again a little bit this past year?" That was how it all started, Lucy thought to herself as Levy continued.

'_Because you see Levy, for the past year, Natsu and I have actually been going behind Gray's and Lisanna's back, screwing each other every chance we get.'_

"Are you worried with Gray coming back you won't have time to hang out with him anymore without Gray and Lisanna feeling weird about it?"

The blonde chuckled, her heart racing. "Oh! That? No, of course not. I don't think Gray will mind, especially because you know how those two are. And Lisanna and I have always gotten along so well so many double dates are ensured in our future."

A double date with Natsu and Lisanna? Lucy could not fathom that. It pained her so much to see the two together. Her heart ached so much when she saw him hug her or her kiss him. Especially when the brown eyed maiden knew that later that night, Natsu would be kissing and hugging her, not Lisanna.

"Hey! Make it a triple date and invite me! Maybe even a quadruple date and invite Erza-san and Jellal-san."

Lucy knew she couldn't even bare to look Erza in the eye after the sins she's committed with Natsu.

"If we do that, we might burn the building down. And by 'we,' I mean Gray, Gajeel, Erza, and Natsu."

Both girls chuckled, Levy more than Lucy, because they knew it was true.

They continued their conversation a little longer until they reached the student parking lot. Both young women bid each other goodbye and headed to their designated spots. When Lucy arrived to her car, she stared at the reflection in the window for a moment.

Gray was coming home.

Her fiance was coming home after being gone for 2-3 months.

Why wasn't she happy about that?

Most women would.

Especially when you had someone as handsome, as charming, as committed, as hardworking as Gray Fullbuster.

But she already knew the answer to that question. And it broke her heart in half. It made her chest hurt. It made her stomach churn and her insides cringe in disgust. It made her want to vomit.

It was because she was madly in love with Natsu Dragneel.

And she didn't have Natsu Dragneel.

So she settled for the latter: his best friend.

Lucy put a hand to her mouth and could feel the urge to throw up her lunch. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying to fight away the taste, the urge. Once she settled, she sighed deeply and opened her car door.

She sat for a moment, contemplating how they got here in the first place.

Contemplating how Natsu and her had gone from living a relatively happy life with their significant others to this dysfunctional, messy, despicable, lie.

"You're such an idiot, Lucy."

_**-O-**_

He sighed, rubbing his eyes as he walked up the steps towards his apartment. It was a rough day on the field with Sting and Rogue. Sting was too overexcited and fawned with him more than actually doing his job. Rogue was a quiet individual and listened intuitively to Gajeel. Natsu almost wished they could have switched them. But things had gone smoothly for the most part. He was just exhausted.

As he neared his apartment door, his mood fell, wishing he was somewhere else.

Particularly with _someone _else.

When he entered his home, the first thing that engulfed his nostrils was a spicy aroma that made his stomach growl.

"Welcome home!"

Standing in front of him was his wife, Lisanna Strauss (now known as Lisanna Dragneel). She was clad in an apron, red and orange stains all over. She was wearing a baggy shirt and some loose slacks. Lisanna had short, white hair and sparkling blue eyes that shone every time she saw him.

Natsu forced a smile on his face.

"Hey."

"I made your favorite today! I figured since you had a lot of work lately and you've been coming home really late, that you would want some actual food than the snacks you have in the vending machines." She walked up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

If only she knew why he was coming home so late.

"Thanks Lis. That's nice of you." He sat down on the barstool, nonchalant about the conversation. The only thing he could think about was Gray returning from his art tour. Gray coming back to Lucy in that house she's lived in by herself that last few months. Gray coming back to take Lucy away from him… _again_.

"Is everything okay… Natsu?" He was in a daze, not really paying attention to what Lisanna had been saying.

"Huh… what?"

"I asked if everything was okay?" Genuine concern crossed her face as she put down the spoon she was mixing the pot with. The white haired woman wiped her hands on the apron and went around the counter, reaching for Natsu's hand.

When she touched Natsu's hand, he felt nothing.

No sparks.

No warmth.

No love.

"Oh yeah. Sting and Rogue had their first day on the field today so metal face and I had to take them out to make sure they didn't do anything stupid."

No. Everything was not okay. Gray was coming back. And Lucy was going to be taken away from him.

Lisanna looked confused. "Sting and Rogue are in the police force?"

The pink haired man threw her a quizzical glance. Hadn't he told her this? "Yes…? They joined the academy and passed. Sting was placed in my unit and Rogue in metal heads."

The youngest of the Strauss siblings nodded slightly. "I don't remember you telling me this."

He shrugged. Maybe he hadn't told her. "Oh. Well, yeah. They are."

There was a heavy silence in the air.

Natsu looked away from his wife and began to feel guilty. Lisanna Strauss was a pretty girl. When he first met her in their elementary school days, he use to tease her with her bowl cut haircut. In middle school, she developed into her woman figure, losing the bowl cut and growing her hair out more where she was more than just pretty. In high school, she was a diamond. She grew into a woman before he knew it. She was beautiful and he was hypnotized by her.

Not only was she a pretty girl, but she was smart, athletic, full of life and spirit. She was a joy to be around and always put a smile on his face.

It wasn't until years later that he realized he was an idiot; an absolute idiot.

Because he thought he was in love with Lisanna Strauss.

When in reality, he was in love with Lucy Heartfilia.

And he broke Lucy's heart, and continued doing so until now because he couldn't get his feelings right.

He eyed Lisanna from the corner of his eye and watched as she stepped away from him, crestfallen, her eyes losing their brightness from moments ago.

How did it get here?

When did it get to the point that their once animate conversations turned to complete silence?

When did it get to the point that he stopped telling her everything he use too?

When did it get to the point that he realized he didn't love Lisanna, but Lucy all along?

"Did you hear that Gray was coming back from his art tour soon?"

And with that question, there was a scowl that embed itself onto his tanned, chiseled face that set even surprised Lisanna.

"How would I know?" The pink haired lieutenant realized that was said with more force and malice than he should have shown. Then again, everyone knew he and Gray did not get along with each other despite being best friends.

"Well, Juvia told me." Of course Juvia knew, Natsu thought to himself. "I just assumed you knew because you had begun to see Lucy recently." Natsu could feel his throat dry up. Lucy. Lucy. Lucy. Her name drove him insane.

"She didn't mention it. We only talk briefly."

'_Because we're too busy screwing each other.'_

"Oh… well it must be great for her to finally have him return after being gone for a few months. Poor Lucy must have been lonely without him."

'_She hasn't been lonely because she's had me'_

"I know if it was me, I'd be terribly lonely without you, Natsu."

Natsu didn't realize it, but Lisanna was now standing in front of him, her small hands on his forearm. He shifted his eyes towards her and saw the undying love Lisanna had for him; the love she's always had for him. The pink haired man could see the amount of sincerity in her voice, the genuity of her comment.

And that was what killed him.

Lisanna was so good to him. She worshipped the ground he walked on. She made him meals every night, asked him about his day, spoiled him silly for his birthday and holidays, loved him with every single inch of her.

And here he was, loving another woman, sneaking off in the middle of the night, making excuses he was working late, being unfaithful to his wife.

What kind of person did that to someone?

Especially a person as sweet and devoted as Lisanna Strauss.

He didn't deserve someone as great as Lisanna.

Natsu smiled and kiss the middle of her forehead lightly, whispering a soft "me too." He stood from the barstool and turned away from his wife.

"I'm going to change. I'll be back."

He didn't wait for her reply as he walked out of the kitchen into their master bedroom. The onyx eyed man kicked off his shoes and stripped himself of his uniform. Sitting on his bed, Natsu felt it foreign to him. He had gotten use to sleeping in Lucy's bed that he forgot what his own bed felt like.

Lucy.

There was a bubbling anger in the pit of his stomach that made him nauseous. His heart hurt thinking about her, thinking about how she constantly told him they needed to stop, thinking about how selfish he was being because she was Gray's and not his.

And it was entirely his fault.

Yet, after he finished eating with Lisanna, spend some time with her, Natsu was going to leave in the middle of the night, saying he was called into work so he could go lay in Lucy's bed and continue the affair that had started almost a year ago.

He was broken from his thoughts when he felt his phone vibrate next to him on the bed.

And when Natsu looked at his phone, he almost wished he didn't.

_**-O-**_

All Lucy wanted to do when she got home was take a relaxing bath. A bath to cleanse her of the sins from this morning, to rid her of her guilt, to not think about anything that had to do with a rosy haired man that had such a tight hold on her heart.

Instead, she had to grade her student's papers.

The young Heartfilia sighed, sitting down on her couch. The blonde set the papers on the coffee table, taking out her red pen to tear her student's papers apart (respectfully). It was only after the first few papers that Lucy realized how lonely it was to sit in this apartment alone.

She was use to Natsu being here.

She was use to him coming over and spending time with her, talking to her, smiling with her, laughing with her, kissing her, touching her, making love to her.

How pathetic was it that she was having an affair with a married man?

Lucy almost wished she hadn't met Natsu. Because he made her life so difficult. The pink haired man she had known almost her entire life who was once her best friend, the only person to know her so well, the only man she _really _loved.

But he fell in love with someone else.

And he married her.

And Lucy was left heartbroken.

Then Gray came in and fixed her, putting her back together. Lucy had always saw Gray as a surrogate brother her entire life. He listened to her when Natsu didn't . He let Lucy cry to him about Natsu and how in love with him she was and how much it _hurt _to see Natsu loving, marrying, spending the rest of his life with another woman.

Lucy lost her best friend and the one man she fell deeply in love with, but gained another friend, one who was always at her side.

And eventually, this man grew to fall in love with her.

Gray fell in love with her.

And Lucy fell in love back.

Or that's what she told herself.

She told herself she loved Gray; every night she laid in his arms after their date nights, after their lovemaking, after he proposed to her.

But in reality, she didn't fall in love with Gray.

No, she used Gray to move on from Natsu. She choose Gray because Natsu wasn't available to her., because Natsu choose someone else.

Lucy loved Gray. She loved Gray for helping her, fixing her, loving her.

But she would never be _in love _with him.

Because she was too in love with Natsu Dragneel.

"Hey Lucy."

Not bothering to look back, Lucy waved her hand slightly. "Hi. Food's in the fridge. I didn't make anything because I was too exhausted too and I have to grade my student's papers."

"Were you expecting someone?"

At the sound of the voice, Lucy went wide eyed. The pen the blonde haired woman had in her hand fell from her grasp. She slowly turned her head only to see her fiance standing in the middle of the room with a confused look plastered on his face.

"Gr-Gray?"

Gray Fullbuster, Lucy's fiance, stood, tall with his dark, raven haired mopped over his head. His normally stoic demeanor was replaced with a small, amused smile.

"I'm home."

And Lucy began to cry.

Gray dropped the bags he was carrying in his hands and raced towards Lucy. He cradled her close to his body, and Lucy engulfed his scent. She wrapped her arms around his torso tightly, embracing his warmth.

"Hey now. Don't cry so much. I'm back." Gray padded her head, chuckling a bit.

It hurt so much more to have him back.

Because Gray smiled for her.

He laughed for her.

He teased her.

He opened himself up to her.

He loved her.

And their entire life, Gray was a tough nut to crack. The young Fullbuster was a very reserved person, never letting people in because he had lost his family and his surrogate family. He lost people so close to him. And here Gray was, opening himself to Lucy, letting her see a part of him that he hid away for so long.

"Welcome home, Gray." She snuggled closer to him. "I missed you."

Because she really did miss him.

Bu how despicable of a person was she?

Missing her fiance while she was sleeping with his best friend.

Lucy hated herself for it.

"I missed you too, Lucy."

The blonde pulled back from the hug and smiled at the stoic man. Gray Fullbuster was always one of the more attractive guys she's ever met. He was popular in school, at Fairy Tail Academy. Natsu, Jellal, Laxus, and he were always deemed as the most attractive boys at school. And she wouldn't deny it because Gray had a perfectly sculptured body and dark, mysterious eyes, and unruly raven hair.

"Here, let me help you take that stuff to the room." She stepped away from him and headed towards the bags on the floor.

"Oh yeah. Were you expecting someone?"

Lucy froze still, eyes going wide as she leaned down to grab his bags.

Natsu was supposed to come over tonight.

So when Gray walked in, unannounced, she assumed it was the pink haired man. It didn't cross her mind that it could have been Gray; her fiance who had a key to the apartment.

"Oh yeah! Levy-chan was going to come over and help me with grading these papers." Gray nodded, "But I'll just text her and tell her we can meet up later in the week."

'_Lucy Heartfilia. You're such a liar.'_

"Are you sure?"He asked.

Oh Gray, Lucy thought as she grabbed his bags.

She smiled at him. "Yes, I'm sure. I haven't seen my fiance in 3 months. I want to hear _everything_ about your trip."

Gray smirked, walking towards her, pulling at her arm towards him. She yelped slightly as he pulled her into a kiss.

It was warm. And it felt so foreign to her.

But she kissed him back anyway because Lucy owed him that much.

Especially when these lips of hers had been on someone else's just earlier in the day.

Gray intensified the kiss, hugging Lucy closely to him, meshing their bodies together. Lucy sighed, closing her eyes and kissing him back even harder. Gray's hands gripped her hips tightly, embracing her touch under him. Eventually their tongues found each other and they battled for dominance.

Lucy couldn't breathe.

Gray was consuming her. She could feel the love he had for her as he kissed her with such ferocity, such intensity. She could feel how much he missed her with all the emotion he was pouring through their kiss. Lucy felt like her clothes were melting under his touch, her skin hot under his hands.

And the guilt hit her harder than ever.

She could feel the wetness on her cheeks as he pulled away from her and whispered sweet things about him not leaving her anymore, about him staying by her side, about him loving her. Gray ensured her they would be happy together and he couldn't wait to marry her.

And when they made their way into their room where he touched her so carefully, so lovingly. Where he treated her so gently. Where he kissed her so soundly. Where he only ever thought about her.

And when they made love, when he clashed with her, when he breathed so heavily into her neck, muttering how in love he was with her, muttering how he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with her, she cried even harder.

Lucy was drowning, suffocating.

It was impossible to breathe.

Because the entire time Gray was making sweet, sweet love to her, all she could think about was the rosy haired man who she loved so dearly.

And that made her hate herself _so damn much_.

When Gray had fallen asleep next to her, she threw on one of his sweaters and walked towards the living room to grab her phone.

_To: Natsu Dragneel_

_Gray's home._

Once Lucy sent the message, she turned off her phone and placed it on the coffee table in front of her. The blonde put her head in her hands and broke into tears. She sobbed quietly to herself, hating what she has become, what she's resorted herself too.

And what was worse?

As much torment and torture and agony it was, she couldn't stop herself, even if she tried.

_**-O-**_

_Gray's home._

"Natsu? Are you okay?" Lisanna crept into the room carefully, full of worry and concern.

Said man looked at his wife as anger boiled within him.

"Shut the door."

"Natsu?"

_Gray's home._

The pink haired man stood from his spot on the bed and practically stomped towards Lisanna. He could see the fear in her eyes, the concern. The onyx eyed man pulled Lisanna into the room and shut the door shut behind her.

He captured her lips aggressively and almost animalistically. He knew she was surprised, especially because he hadn't slept with his life in a few weeks.

But that didn't stop him from pushing her against the door and ripping away every piece of clothing on her.

_Gray's home._

And she eventually gave in to him because she was now kissing him back, with the little intensity she had.

The worst part?

All he could think about was Lucy Heartfilia as he made love to his wife.

All he could think about was how Gray Fullbuster was probably making sweet love to his best friend; the girl he loved so deeply, the girl he _should _have chosen.

_Gray's home._

**A/N: I literally don't know where this came from. The other day, I opened a new word file and it was literally word vomit. This happened. This story is really angsty. I think I may have some pent up angst haha. Probably for not updating _Fallen Star _yet! Or maybe because Naruto ended and I hated the ending. (And no, it wasn't because NaruSaku didn't become ending, though that was really upsetting too. So expect some NaruSaku stories in the future.) UGH. But it feels good to be back in the world. **

**Anyway, this is a two chaptered one shot. The second chapter will answer any unanswered questions. It will address everything that is happening in this chapter. And I'm sorry if Natsu and Lucy seem OOC. It's for the purpose of this story. And I don't mean to make Lisanna seem desparate. And I really like writing Gray. The reason I choose Gray though was because Loke really _is _a playboy. And for other reasons that I won't go into because it'll spoil the story muahahaha. **

**I hope you enjoyed this first part! The second part will be updated shortly this week, along with the other one shot: _Long Live_. I wrote them because I felt like I owed it to you all for being so faithful. So it's a triple treat!**

**Please review and let me know what you all thought! What was good? What was bad? Anything to change? Criticism and suggestions are encouraged!**

**Until next time!  
>- Dark Waffle<strong>


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